


The Great Flying Shitbird

by AmbientMagic



Category: The Posterchildren - Kitty Burroughs
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Bad Flirting, F/M, Rated M for Marshal, implied ot3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-09 13:17:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5541428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmbientMagic/pseuds/AmbientMagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Goddammit, Marshal.”  </p><p>If Vee had a dollar for every time she’d said that, she’d have made enough in the last month to retire.  Or at least move to a slightly less shitty apartment.  As it was, she now had to deal with 200 plus pounds of vigilante hanging off one of the city’s Christmas light displays, wearing nothing but a Santa hat, boxers, and a domino mask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Flying Shitbird

**Author's Note:**

> This is a combination of the AU “I’m a cop and you’re the vigilante making my life 1000000x more difficult” and the prompts “Vee Kim being happy” and “fluff” for fluttervee as part of the TPC Secret Santa Exchange. I hope this is suitably fluffy and fun--it got away from me a lot.

“Goddammit, Marshal.”  

If Vee had a dollar for every time she’d said that, she’d have made enough in the last month to retire.  Or at least move to a slightly less shitty apartment.  As it was, she now had to deal with 200 plus pounds of vigilante hanging off one of the city’s Christmas light displays, wearing nothing but a Santa hat, boxers, and a domino mask.

“Get your ass down here, you’re under arrest.  Again.”

Marshal, known to the greater public as the vigilante “The Great Flying Shitbird,” grinned down at her.  “Hello, darling Vee.  You’re my favorite, kindest, most beautiful cop in Portland, you know that?”

Vee crossed her arms and tried to look stern instead of smiling at the absurd man. “That’s because I haven’t tased you.  Yet.”

“And you’re a queen among cops, a princess among police for it.  Though it’s not like any of your co-workers have managed to tase me either,” he added smugly.

She sighed and glared up at what was, admittedly, a very nice view.  “Aren’t you cold up there?  It’s been snowing for three days, you know.  If you come down here and let me arrest you I’ll give you a blanket.  If I have to come up there you get nothing.”

“Nothing? Officer Kim, you wound me! As if you’d take the last scraps of my dignity away.”  Marshal pouted and put a hand over his heart.  

“You can keep your boxers, dummy.  And since when do you have dignity?”  

 

Vee’s radio beeped at her hip.  “Okay, my partner will be here with the patrol car in about two minutes.  If you’re not down here in my custody, I’ll let Newmeyer shoot at you.”

Marshal pouted and began climbing down.  He always came quietly, after letting some rookie tree him somewhere and then exchanging taunts and profanity for a few minutes.  Vee stayed where she was, hand not straying too far from her taser.  

Ever since Vee had been the rookie dumb enough to chase down “The Flying Shitbird” Marshal had sworn he would only surrender to her--and when she didn’t show up, he would get much more difficult.  Deputy Underwood was still nursing a concussion from the time he’d tried to tackle the vigilante.  

Of course, Marshal would be in jail for maybe two hours before he broke back out, but it was the principle of the thing that mattered.  It had gotten to the point that anytime the Flying Shitbird was spotted, Vee and Cat were sent toward the area preemptively.  

It would be annoying if she didn’t have a soft spot for the giant nerd.  

Marshal dropped down next to her and beamed, spreading his arms wide, and Vee sighed.  Scratch that last thought.  Soft spot or no, Marshal was always annoying.  Luckily, just then Cat pulled up in the cruiser, and Vee was able to turn away to hide the smile still tugging away at the corner of her mouth.  As Cat got out and cheerfully greeted Marshal (honestly, just because a guy only beats up muggers doesn’t mean he’s not a criminal), Vee busied herself with getting a pair of sweatpants out of the back of the car.  

“You couldn’t find a shirt?” she muttered to her partner.  

Cat grinned, unrepentant.  “Nope!  Not a single shirt in the entire station, can you believe it?  Fresh out of shirts, it’s too bad, huh?”

“I don’t mind,” Marshal piped up, helpfully holding Cat’s clipboard for her while she pulled out the handcuffs.  

“Of course  _ you  _ don’t,” Vee sighed.  Truth be told, she didn’t mind either--the sweatpants lowered the amount of skin on show to a more manageable level, and if the Great Flying Shitbird didn’t care that it was below freezing, then that was none of her business.  

Not even a little.

Vee sighed and opened the trunk to grab a blanket, which she thrust at the man.  Marshal accepted it with a bow and slung it casually over a shoulder.

“Now that I’m properly clothed, let’s return to the matter at hand, shall we?  Am I free to go, officers?”

“No,” Vee and Cat said in unison.

“What’s my charge?”

Vee stared at the man, unimpressed.  “You don’t think hanging naked off a city structure is enough to bring you in?  That public indecency at least, disturbing the peace, possible intoxication… Not to mention the little matter of you being a vigilante who breaks laws regularly.”

Marshal held up a finger.  “ _ Alleged  _ vigilante.  No one has ever filed charges against me for anything, officer, honest.”  He held up his right hand.  “No assault, blackmail, B&E, or stalking of criminal lowlifes has ever occurred in my presence.  I’m clean as the new fallen snow, I am.”

Cat snorted.  Traitor.  

Vee pointed out, “I’m sure we could find something.  We can hold you for up to twenty-four hours without a charge.”

For the first time the man’s smile gained a bit of an edge.  “Can you?”

Vee and Cat were good, some of the best on the force.  All three of them knew it.  But Vee had seen what the Shitbird could do to an entire gang, in seconds.  “No,” she admitted, “We probably can’t.  I don’t suppose you’d mind coming with us anyway?”

“Sure!” he agreed.  “Where are we going?  Coffee?  I’ll buy.  Not quite how I planned our first date, Ms. Kim, but it’s rather fitting, isn’t it?”

Vee couldn’t help it anymore.  The entire situation was too absurd.  She snorted, then turned away before her chuckles could turn into full fledged laughter.  

“How can you buy?  You don’t have any money with you,”  Cat pointed out reasonably while Vee fought to control herself.  

Marshal considered.  “Can we run by my place first then, Vee?”  The big lug actually fluttered his eyelashes at her.  

“Weren’t you under arrest a minute ago?”  Vee asked somewhat helplessly.

“I’m not sure, actually.  Did we ever establish I was doing anything illegal?  Besides, your shift is over now anyway.  And surely it’s in the public’s best interests for a ~dangerous~ man like me to be accompanied by officers of the law.”

Vee looked at her watch and sighed, finally giving in.  The Great Flying Shitbird was certainly an apt name--the man was an unstoppable wrench in her nicely functioning life.  And yet, those big puppy eyes and his absurd, heartfelt compliments… What could it hurt?  Though he didn’t bother with keeping his identity secret, Marshal  _ technically  _ couldn’t be tied to the actions of the Flying Shitbird...

“Fine.  We can all go get coffee.  But it’s not a date, you’re paying, and I want extra whipped cream on my chai.”


End file.
